La Sentencia.

Hay que ir adelante, avanzar. Cuando te encuentres un traidor llámale traidor. Cuando te encuentres un ladrón, llámale ladrón. Cuando te encuentres un cobarde, llámale cobarde. Siempre adelante, hasta encontrar el sepulcro del hombre que nos va a rescatar en los luceros. Miguel de Unamuno.

lunes, 22 de julio de 2013

Formas.

            Sería más que conveniente inculcar en las nuevas generaciones que se forman en nuestros colegios, institutos y universidades, tanto públicas como privadas, que cuando se expresa las frases: ¡Buenos días!, ¡buenas tardes! o ¡buenas noches!, se está expresando un deseo.

Se ha de convencer a los adultos en ciernes que con esas expresiones no se está dando por hecho que los destinatarios están de lo más feliz, sosegado y dichoso en ese momento del día. Seguramente no sea así. Se les ha de persuadir de que al decir esas fórmulas de la más simple educación, se está manifestando un deseo, que la mañana, la tarde o la noche sea de lo más placentera para nuestro interlocutor, y que el hecho de que esté lloviendo, nevando, granizando o, tal vez, descargando el Sol todos sus rayos a la vez sobre los viandantes en nada influye sobre dicho anhelo, y que por tanto sobra el añadir el consabido: Por decir algo.

En puridad, al agregar esa muletilla parece como si el deseo anterior nos fuera indiferente, y que en realidad lo expresado sí que ha sido por decir algo. Aunque es más que probable que así sea, pero hay que guardar las formas.

lunes, 15 de julio de 2013

Esos funcionarios.

Está visto que lo de ser funcionario nunca ha tenido buen predicamento. Hace poco, leyendo un artículo sobre los asirios, he sabido que éstos eran especialmente crueles y sádicos con los pueblos vencidos.

Hay testimonios grabados en relieve de sus costumbres tras las victorias bélicas. A falta de vigencia de convención alguna sobre condiciones de guerra, acostumbraban a arrancar de cuajo las lenguas a los prisioneros.

A los que eran jóvenes, y por tanto con más probabilidades de rebelarse, se les quemaba vivos, mientras que los más talluditos eran empalados, desollados, cegados o se les amputaba manos, píes, orejas o narices.

Pero cuando sabían que alguno de los apresados era un funcionario, al parecer tenían especial predilección por someterle a una curiosa humillación. Tenían preparado una especie de collar de la que colgaban las cabezas de la familia real vencida. Entonces el funcionario debía desfilar con dicho ornamento para regocijo y gozo de los vencedores.

Y no creo que el funcionario al que su familia real le fuera antipática sonriera ante tal “castigo”, porque una vez finalizado su representación, era debidamente mutilado, desollado, cegado, quemado o lo que se terciaria.

Sin duda los asirios hacían con los funcionarios forasteros lo que deseaban para los propios, y los funcionarios asirios preferían que el populacho se desahogara con el funcionariado forastero antes que con el propio.

lunes, 1 de julio de 2013

ADOPT A TERRORIST!

 A Canadian female libertarian wrote a lot of letters to the Canadian government, complaining about the treatment of captive insurgents (terrorists) being held in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities. She demanded a response to her letter. She received back the following reply: 

National Defense Headquarters
M Gen George R. Pearkes Bldg., 15 NT
101 Colonel By Drive
Ottawa , ON K1A 0K2
Canada

Dear Concerned Citizen,

Thank you for your recent letter expressing your profound concern of treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists captured by Canadian Forces, who were subsequently transferred to the Afghanistan Government and are currently being held by Afghan officials in Afghanistan National Correctional System facilities.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinions were heard loud and clear here in Ottawa . You will be pleased to learn, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new department here at the Department of National Defense, to be called 'Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers' program, or L.A.R.K. For short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided, on a trial basis, to divert several terrorists  and place them in homes of concerned citizens such as yourself, around the country, under those citizens’ personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and is scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence in Toronto next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is your detainee, and is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. You will be pleased to know that we will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with your recommendations.
  
Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his 'attitudinal problem' will help him overcome those character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counselling and home schooling, however, we strongly recommend that you hire some assistant caretakers.

Please advise any Jewish friends, neighbours or relatives about your house guest, as he might get agitated or even violent, but we are sure you can reason with him. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless in your opinion, this might offend him. Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills either in your home or wherever you choose to take him while helping him adjust to life in our country.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters except sexually, since he views females as a form of property, thereby having no rights, including refusal of his sexual demands. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him.

You also should know that he has shown violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka over time. Just remember that it is all part of 'respecting his culture and religious beliefs' as described in your letter.

You take good care of Ahmed and remember that we will try to have a counsellor available to help you over any difficulties you encounter while Ahmed is adjusting to Canadian culture.

Thanks again for your concern. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job and care for our fellow man. Good luck and God bless you.

Cordially,
Gordon O'Connor
Minister of National Defense

BRILLIANT. Gotta hand it to the Canadians.